No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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