That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
