you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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