If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
