o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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