She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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