In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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