I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They have beer where we have blood.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
