She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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