dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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