I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
