I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
