Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
