peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
