When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
