why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
