is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
