your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
