I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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