the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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