after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wear drunk well.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
