she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
