the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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