I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
