Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
