I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize