Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
