Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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