I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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