Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
