I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
