I just cut my nipple shaving
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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