He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I checked into jail on foursquare
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
