I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
