In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
