I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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