It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize