Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
