i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Quick, to the slutcave!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
