You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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