can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
