haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
