I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
