Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
