Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
