well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
