So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
