Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
