i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
