when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I could make wine with my vomit
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
