JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
