Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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