i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
