I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your cock deserves a montage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
