Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
