sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
