mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
