Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
