My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
