im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
