yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
