I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
