And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
