it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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