i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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