Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
