how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
