I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
