thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
