is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize