i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
