This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
