Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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