Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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