i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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